You Are in a White Room: Part One

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After getting my footing last week, I decided WeWriWa‘s 8-10 sentence mandate sounded like a great opportunity to unleash a flash serial. Ten sentences every Sunday for the next ten weeks. Here is Part One of my horror serial, “You Are in a White Room.” Talk to me in the comments. I would love some feedback.

 

I

You are in a white room. There is one door. You have tried the door many, many times. Each time the handle gives the slightest budge and then seizes up. On the wall by the door, you keep a running tally of the number of times you’ve tried the door handle and the number of times you have woken up. They currently read 93 and 4. The fingernail you use to scratch the lines is ragged and bloody. A florescent light buzzes above you. You are alone. You are scared.

 

Meet me for Part II this time next week.

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13 thoughts on “You Are in a White Room: Part One

  1. Fascinating. The reader wants to know why, where, what. Tell us more.

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  2. It’s a chilling excerpt, Jessica. Nicely done! The white room? What is it? Why am I here? <– all questions that formed while I read it. I think I heard it in Rod Serling's voice. 🙂

    We're glad you've joined in the wewriwa fun!

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  3. I wait for a color, an opening.

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  4. Ed Hoornaert says:

    Second person — a very daring choice of POV!

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  5. Welcome to the Warriors! Interesting beginning to the story. I’m immediately thinking of ways to get OUT, quite the effective snippet!

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  6. Ooh, great intro! I look forward to seeing what comes next! The only thing you’ll want to watch is to keep the present tense whenever possible to keep the action moving and the reader stuck in the scene. “Each time the handle gives the slightest budge and then seizes up.” Just a thought. 🙂

    Welcome to the hop! 🙂

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  7. Kim Magennis says:

    Oh my, Jessica! I don’t usually do horror (overactive imagination), but I am going to have to find out more! I look forward to being deeply disturbed ;-]

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